Fox’s medical drama series “House M.D.” is my latest discovery after rummaging through piles of must-see DVD series somewhere you-know-where. (Clue: Behind that modern furniture shop in St. Francis.) I know I came in a little bit late on this, like 5-6 years behind since House first went on air sometime in November 2004. Nevertheless, I’m happy to have found a gem that resonated with my perpetual need for interesting brand of humor. It changed the way I see blood these days.
Apart from the Sherlock Holmes-inspired storyline, what made “House MD” interesting? Well, one is having a talent like Hugh Laurie play the pain-reliever dependent and unconventional genius named Dr. Gregory House together with his three equally-devoted staff namely Cameron, Chase and Foreman. But here’s the best part – House conversations that could awake the dead in you.
House: “People choose the paths that grant them the greatest rewards for the least amount of effort.”
House: “See that, they all assume I’m a patient because of the cane.”
Wilson: “Then why don’t you put on a white coat like the rest of us?”
House: “Then they’ll think I’m a doctor.”*** Cameron: “You hired me to get into my pants?!”
House: “I can’t believe that that would shock you. It’s also not what I said. No, I hired you because you look good; it’s like having a nice piece of art in the lobby.”*** House: “No, there is not a thin line between love and hate. There is, in fact, a Great Wall of China with armed sentries posted every twenty feet between love and hate.”
*** House: “Hello, sick people and their loved ones! In the interest of saving time and avoiding a lot of boring chitchat later, I’m Doctor Gregory House; you can call me “Greg”. I’m one of three doctors staffing this clinic this morning.”
Cuddy: “Short, sweet, grab a file.”
House: “This ray of sunshine is Doctor Lisa Cuddy. Doctor Cuddy runs this whole hospital, so unfortunately she’s much too busy to deal with you. I am a board … certified diagnostician with a double specialty of infectious disease and nephrology. I am also the only doctor currently employed at this hospital who is forced to be here against his will.
That is true, isn’t it? (to Cuddy)
But not to worry, because for most of you, this job could be done by a monkey with a bottle of Motrin. Speaking of which, if you’re particularly annoying, you may see me reach for this: this is Vicodin. It’s mine! You can’t have any! And no, I do not have a pain management problem, I have a pain problem … but who knows? Maybe I’m wrong. Maybe I’m too stoned to tell. So, who wants me? ”*** Cameron: “Sex could kill you. Do you know what the human body goes through when you have sex? Pupils dilate, arteries constrict, core temperature rises, heart races, blood pressure skyrockets, respiration becomes rapid and shallow, the brain fires bursts of electrical impulses from nowhere to nowhere, and secretions spit out of every gland, and the muscles tense and spasm like you’re lifting three times your body weight. It’s violent, it’s ugly and it’s messy, and if God hadn’t made it unbelievably fun, the human race would have died out eons ago.”
*** House: “You mentioned two obscure diseases to Dr. Chase. How’d you know about them?”
Patient: “I read about them on the internet.”
House: “So, what’d you search for? Diseases from Asia that don’t match my son’s symptoms.”*** Cuddy: “Just enlarged hylar lymph nodes.”
House: “Tiny unicorns goring his bronchial tubes would be cooler.”*** Chase: “How would you feel if I interfered in your personal life?”
House: “I’d hate it. That’s why I cleverly have no personal life. “
