Twilight's young lead stars pose for Vanity Fair

Nothing probably beats Twilight obsession other than watching the movie twice, and reading the books Twilight and New Moon cover to cover (okay, all ebooks) for four days in a row. If I am not mistaken, I had it all done in a week’s time while in the middle of severe office deadlines.

Does that mean I am officially “in” like the rest of the shrieking Twilighters?

Probably yes. With all the effort, I surely deserve a seat in Edward’s coven and come up with better strategies than all of them leeches combined. But, if you’re a middle-aged cow, rational thinking prevails over raging hormones. I’ll tell you why.

I can’t say that Twilight the book is better than Twilight the movie. The thing is both complemented each other. Having Robert Pattinson and Kristen Stewart play the lead roles breathed life to otherwise faceless book characters. Everything else in the movie helped readers visualize scenes Stephenie Meyer described in the book. This is probably the only redeeming quality both the book and movie have that makes watching in your type of home theater seating worthwhile. Other than that, the love story is a disaster.

While the movie reeks with noticeable flaws from chalky espasol make-up to outdated special effects, the book, told from Bella’s point of view, was absurdly romantic. The characters were so emotionally-charged they don’t think at all. Impatient, hasty, irrational – Bella, no matter how independent she seemed to be than her mom, Renee, epitomizes those descriptions. She is crazy about the most beautiful vampire to ever walk the planet. Everywhere in the pages, it’s either she’s hyperventilating or trying to attract danger to herself. Edward has that effect on her.

Edward was created from a woman’s desire of a perfect man. He is the 90-something guy in the body of a 17-year-old. A convenience store serving his most frequent customer 24/7. He is the commanding hero (so different from the shy and confused character in the movie), self-appointed protector of the girl always in distress, filthy rich (in the next book, they get money from Alice’s ability to see trends in the stock market – now that’s what we call cheating), perfectly handsome, a vegetarian vampire drinking animal blood and annoyingly persistent but keeps his fangs in constant check. Although, having him for a rock star boyfriend who reads everyone’s minds save for one and keeps a close watch on you day in and day out could be mentally disturbing, too. What is he? A stalker who claims to be chaste but puts sweetheart to bed every night? It’s unthinkable that the book presents playing with fire and coming out of it unscathed. Where did that kind of resilience come from? I’m pretty sure it has nothing to do with his animal diet. Not that it is bad, it’s simply not real. Just ask the guy seated next to you and he would probably be laughing at the absurdity of the idea.

Theirs is a relationship that doesn’t really live up to the phrase “for keeps”. In real life, the relationship is doomed from the start. An erratic 18-year-old throws herself helplessly in the arms of a predator and endangers the lives of everyone around them. If we would look fast forward without reading equally mushy sequels, we all know the obvious results. The book should have been titled “Obsession”. Or maybe “Cheese”. It’s an overrated junk food.